Who's With Me?!?

Here is my plan and thoughts for the new church that is on the horizon:

-I think church should only have sexy people in it. We have churches that are available to so many different cultures, what about the sexy culture (Mega-Supermodel-Church)? They should be modestly dressed as not to make a brother or sister stumble though.

-I think that we should have reclining chairs in the "sanctuary" with Bladder buster sized cup holders.

-I think we should pay a toll when leaving the church or have a direct withdrawal system set up, then the tithe is taken care of.

-What if we teamed with True Love Waits ministries and Trojan Condoms, combined forces and produced Condoms for Christians with Verses from Song of Songs printed on the side of the condom? This is how we can pay for our reclining chairs!

-Why do we have announcements? Can you imagine Jesus giving announcements before he starts talking to people - "Just a quick reminder, after I talk to you about something you won't get until later, we will have a potluck over by where Simon Peter is standing in the back; also, later we will be taking an offering and if you are new, please, you are my guest, just let the basket go by".

-Is it me, or is interpretive dance just plain wierd?

-If there was a mega supermodel church, I think it should only be modestly dressed women who are sexy, because I wouldn't want my wife looking at sexy modestly dressed men.

-What if the worship music consisted of only a D.J., a percussionist, a bass player, and an acoustic guitar player/vocalist?

-What if the worship music consisted of only an accordian, tuba, and an acoustic guitar/vocalist?

-I think that for Christmas service, anyone wearing Santa Claus hats should be pointed out and ridiculed. Same goes for people who wear bunny ears in Easter Services. Seeker or not, that person who was ridiculed will come back anyways, because it's a sexy church.

Do you have anything to add?

brownie